Vintage Apartment

My chest is sinking and I’m afraid it’s too heavy for me to carry this time

I can feel it, starting to happen

Breaking off my collar bones and shoulder blades

through the sofa I now sleep in because we should no longer share a bed

On to the white rug I bought to match my part of the furniture

a failed attempt of holding on to a piece of who I was before we met

Through the floor of our 3 bedroom vintage apartment you so cheerfully chose

for us to live in for a few years, a new start

“No need to rush, we have all the time in the world”

Down to the garden unit where the nice librarian lives,

always greeted us on our coffee walks in the middle of the day

in the middle of the sun, quiet, peaceful, simple…love?

Slowly it sinks into the ground.

Buried in empty I love yous, desperately trying to avoid feeling alone again,

2020 was a pain

Buried in promise after broken promise

plans for trips we will never take

Buried a future so clear

but we could never make up our mind where

Staring at the empty vase for the flowers I still await,

I take a breath.

I will be okay.

(June 2022)